Crackers…just crackers.

HELLO THERE!

I recently downloaded the WordPress app but never got around to posting (heck, I haven’t posted even on the computer…yikes). So today I’ve decided to give it a go.

So what am I going to talk about today?

Crackers my darlings.

Homemade saltines, attempted for the very first time today. And you all get to hear about it.

For some odd reason I found myself slightly nervous to make them. Sure, everyone on Pinterest was raving how easy they were to make…but I don’t trust people of the Internet that easily.

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My mum ended up sending me a few recipes then threatened me talked me into making them.

So I printed up The Prudent Homemaker’s recipe and got to work.

Now I did make some minor changes to her recipe. Instead of shortening, I used butter and instead of kosher salt I used Himalayan pink salt. And instead of kneading by hand, I cheated and did everything in my Kitchenaid mixer. The dough was a little dry so I added about a tsp of water and kneaded it some more.

The dough looked something like this:

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It smelled like the butter fairies had come and kissed it.

Now that the dough was kneaded, I had to…DUN DUN DUN! ROLL THE DOUGH OUT!

I can do a lot of things, but rolling dough out sadly isn’t one of those things. After putting on some purple Hulk pants, I got really angry and rolled the dough out. It was fairly thin.

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At this point I was tempted to throw that sucker on the pan and cook it up as one giant cracker. But no, I was a good girl and made it look pretty.

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After that I used my pastry cutter to make a bunch of little squares (were all they all perfectly two inches? Hahahah…no.), plastered them with water and salt, and threw them into the oven. They took a total of 12 minutes to cook and came out looking like this:

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They only look half eaten because as I was on my fifth cracker, I remembered to take a picture. Long story short, Mission: Crackers was a success.

So there you have it folks. After weeks of not posting all I have to offer to you is my adventures in cracker making.

Ice Cream, Murder, and Music.

CUE THE MUSIC KELSEY!

I’m a writer and I’m crazy
Sadly I cannot drink dairy
And violence-wise, my mind is not the cleanest
But despite my talent at procrastination
And my pinterest, and my 7 kittiens
I’ve always yearned to be a published writer!
Can’tcha see my books sold world wide at book stores?
Actually making money off them?
Yep, I’d rather be called deadly
For my killer grammar and spelling!
Thank you!
‘Cause way down deep inside
I’ve got a dream

She’s got a dream!
She’s got a dream!

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*Music dies down*

Ahem.

Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed my little musical number. Just pretend that it was the voice of your favorite singers serenading to you.

Lovely right?

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Now you may be wondering if I can actually have dairy or not, and the thing is I can have butter, yogurt, and certain cheeses, but I can’t do milk or ice cream. You see the last time I had ice cream I was at Magic Kingdom and it was late at night, I’d say about 12 am (sometimes the parks stays open till 1 am!)

We (my family and I) were kind of celebrating and such, so I thought “Why not have the giant ice cream cookie sandwich the size of my head?!”

I get about half way through and think, hmm better not eat the whole thing. I ate both cookies though! 😀 So it’s all good and fun till I get on the monorail. Not only was I tooting the whole ride back to the parking lot, but right across from me was a drunk woman. A drunk 40 year old on her honey moon. And what was stranger was her parents were there as well. (Awkward much?!)

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So as I’m tooting, she starts to sing to her new husband “Do you wanna build a snowman?!” over and over again. Right in his face too. At first I felt bad for tooting up a storm, but by this point I’m hoping that it smells so bad that she’ll hopefully pass out.

She doesn’t. To make it all worse, the woman wouldn’t sing the whole song, just “DO YOU WANNA BUILD A SNOWMAN?!”

I tried my best to not scream back “NO! NO I DO NOT WANT TO BUILD A MOTHER HUGGING SNOWMAN! NOR DO I THINK YOUR PARENTS OR HUSBAND OR ANYONE ELSE IN THIS MONORAIL!!!”

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Does this story have anything to do with writing? Well I manged to come up with 5 ways to kill that woman in my head, so yes, I say it does.

Anyone else have dairy issues? Please comment below!